


Following Taliyah's Mischief group chat

by InBeeroBeeritas



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Action/Adventure, Action/Adventure but you never get to see the action, Bickering, But I will probably change my mind while writing so I'll add pairings at the end, But you'll never see Taliyah, Chatting & Messaging, Humor, Multi, Romance, Taliyah has no idea what she's doing either, Taliyah is the main character, There will be all kind of pairings, chat fic, chatfic, i have no idea what i am doing, lots of characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28221435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InBeeroBeeritas/pseuds/InBeeroBeeritas
Summary: An angry Emperor of the sands starts a group chat to find out why there is a freaking wall of stone in his city. Chaos ensues.Or, the story of the odyssey of Taliyah, who is traveling, meeting a lot of people, learning how to use her magic, correcting all the wrongs of the world, trying to save everyone, defeating the bad guys, figuring out love and desire, while no one understands what is happening. But everyone starts to join the group chat to report on Taliyah's mischief, complain about the Stoneweaver or just enjoy the hijinx.
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Past Azir/Xerath, Tags will be added when the pairings start, Taliyah & Yasuo (League of Legends)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 36





	1. Who built a wall in my city?

**Azir created a group chat.**

**Azir named group chat "Shurima’s Ceasefire".**

**Azir added Xerath and Sivir to the group chat.**

**Azir:** Xerath, you ungrateful traitor, I have several questions and you better answer.

 **Azir:** Sivir, my dear heiress, I brought you here as my witness.

**Xerath:** What is this sorcery?

 **Xerath:** How do you plan to make me answer anything.

**Sivir:** I really don’t want to be stuck in yet another of your skirmishes.

 **Sivir:** Like, I really don’t want to.

**Azir:** Dear heiress, you shall not worry.

 **Azir:** I used this groupchat, as your generation calls it, to interact with this filthy turncoat without needing to cast him to the winds in the blink of an eye.

 **Azir:** You don't need to follow, but you must witness.

**Xerath:** Also you don’t know where I am.

**Azir:** This is besides the point.

**Sivir:** So you can guarantee that this will not explode to my face?

 **Sivir:** Like I really don’t want to almost die.

 **Sivir:** Again.

 **Sivir:** And to awaken a powerful but kind of megalomaniac ancestor.

 **Sivir:** Again.

**Xerath:** He is not that powerful.

**Azir:** I am.

 **Azir:** I ascended.

**Xerath:** I did that too.

 **Xerath:** Remember that day?

 **Xerath:** It was a good day.

**Azir:** I embraced you that day you cunning snake!

**Sivir:** Say what now?

 **Sivir:** Like I understood the treachery part of your relationship.

 **Sivir:** Attempting murder, destruction of everything and betrayal of a lifelong relationship.

**Xerath:** I transcended the concept of "lifelong relationship" since.

**Sivir:** But I totally missed the bickering ex lovers part.

 **Sivir:** It explains so much.

**Azir:** It was a brotherly embrace!

 **Azir:** It was a promise scelled as a kiss, it was hugging your brother in arms with eternal love.

 **Azir:** We did a lot of those back in the day!

**Sivir:** Didn’t you also tell me about the warriors sleeping naked together.

**Azir:** There was a blanket.

**Sivir:** One blanket?!

**Azir:** Day hot, night cold, desert law, brother strength.

 **Azir:** It was traditional.

**Xerath:** Applying massage oil all over my powerful body is one of the few things I miss.

 **Xerath:** The looks they gave me.

 **Xerath:** The look you gave me!

**Sivir:** Keep going.

**Azir:** Once again, that is besides the point.

 **Azir:** We have more pressing matters.

**Sivir:** I’m quite interested in this “Fuck/Marry/Kill relationship”.

**Azir:** LANGAGE MY HEIRESS!

**Sivir:** Whatever.

**Xerath:** Isn’t it weird that you thirst on your ancestor’s long lost attractiveness?

 **Xerath:** We Shurimans thirst on a lot of things.

 **Xerath:** But still.

**Azir:** I am still very attractive, you sparkling coffin!

**Xerath:** You’re a bird now.

**Sivir:** Why do you capslock all the way when I say “fuck” but not to defend yourself???

**Azir:** Exhaustion.

**Xerath:** While I’m full of energy.

 **Xerath:** I’m literally energy.

 **Xerath:** Can’t touch this.

 **Xerath:** Also we were never married.

**Azir:** MAYBE because the day I asked you you chose to blast me from behind, steal my ascension and destroy everything I had???

**Xerath:** You didn’t ask???

**Sivir:** I love this convo.

**Azir:** I literally made you my “eternal”!!!

 **Azir:** What did you think it was for?!

**Xerath:** Eternal brother idk.

**Sivir:** You really had another vision of family relationships.

**Xerath:** Yet you thirst on it.

**Sivir:** How did you even get in touch with this kind of langage?

 **Sivir:** Aren’t you like eons old or something like this?

**Azir:** He has a lot of free time.

**Sivir:** How do you know that???

**Azir:** He keeps sending me messages full of new expressions to annoy me.

**Xerath:** I love the modern creativity.

 **Xerath:** You could say I "owned" Azir back in the day.

 **Xerath:** Or that he got "rekt".

 **Xerath:** He never answers because he can’t keep up with all this new "slang".

**Azir:** Well excuse me if I have an entire city and soon an entire empire to manage.

 **Azir:** I am an emperor, not a bored twinkling spark.

**Xerath:** I am the most powerful sorcerer ever you bitch.

**Azir:** From most powerful sorcerer in eons to the funniest useless neon.

**Sivir:** Hey that was a good burn.

**Azir:** Aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!

**Sivir:** Don’t do that.

 **Sivir:** Don't do that ever again.

**Azir:** Sorry.

**Xerath:** I could annihilate your pathetic city in the blink of an eye if I wanted you whiny pigeon.

**Azir:** Yeah.

 **Azir:** Speaking of which.

 **Azir:** That was the thing I wanted to discuss before you changed the subject.

**Sivir:** So it wasn’t a clever strategy to use your adorable heiress as a mediator to win back your lover?

**Azir:** EX-lover.

**Xerath:** You said it not me.

 **Xerath:** Next time do a real proposal.

**Azir:** Treacherous faithless dishonest disloyal traitor.

**Xerath:** Still not a real proposal.

**Sivir:** Hey Xerath.

 **Sivir:** You should look up the word "tsundere".

 **Sivir:** It may be useful to you.

**Azir:** What is it?

**Sivir:** Nothing.

**Xerath:** Dully noted.

**Azir:** ANYWAY.

 **Azir:** Xerath, what is our relationship right now?

**Xerath:** Most powerful sorcerer ever and bickering bird bitch?

**Sivir:** Cranky married couple?

**Azir:** Diplomatic relationship.

**Xerath:** Yeah sure.

 **Xerath:** Not at war but plotting against each other.

 **Xerath:** Idk, truce with a few assassination’s attempts.

**Sivir:** It’s not really a truce if you still try to kill the other.

**Xerath:** Is attempting to erase the lineage of your opponent an assassination attempt?

**Sivir:** Technically no.

 **Sivir:** Wait a freaking minute.

 **Sivir:** It was you???

**Xerath:** Truce it is, then.

**Azir:** Precisely.

 **Azir:** We don’t do open attacks or destruction on each other because we have a truce. We even had a ceasefire, hence the name of this group discussion.

**Sivir:** Assassination attempts on me are open attacks!

**Xerath:** You can’t prove it was me, so it’s not open.

 **Xerath:** The opposite of your ancestor, who was very open back in the days.

**Azir:** So if I can prove it was you, you agree you broke the truce?

**Xerath:** Your heiress killed them, good luck to make them talk.

**Sivir:** Which one was it?

 **Sivir:** I killed several people in the past month.

**Xerath:** What is your life?

**Sivir:** Bounty hunting.

 **Sivir:** And when Azir will prove that you broke the truce, he’ll put a nice juicy bounty on your head.

 **Sivir:** Or coffin.

 **Sivir:** Or whatever.

 **Sivir:** And you’ll see what my life is.

 **Sivir:** The life you wanted to suppress.

**Xerath:** Don’t be so tense.

**Azir:** Yes, we are not talking about the attempts. As long as it’s not magic, we can’t prove it’s this snake. And we have more pressing matters.

**Sivir:** And here I was, thinking my ancestor would care about what happens to me.

**Xerath:** Don’t be so dense.

**Sivir:** Shut up.

**Azir:** While I would agree with you in other circumstances, I need him to talk right now.

 **Azir:** So, will you confess your magical attack against my city?

**Xerath:** ???

 **Xerath:** I didn’t attack your dumb city!

**Azir:** Should I really say what you’ve done?

**Xerath:** Well if you want to recap the tale of my accomplishments in the past few centuries you’ll need more than a groupchat, but there is nothing worth to add in the past few days.

**Azir:** There is a WALL in my city.

**Xerath:** Well of course, it’s a city.

**Azir:** A GIANT WALL OF STONE.

**Xerath:** Giant how?

**Azir:** Taller than all the buildings except my palace, larger than all the buildings except my palace, occupying the main road which leads to my palace and uglier than anything in my city.

**Xerath:** You didn’t think it might be a problem when you built it?

**Azir:** It wasn’t built.

 **Azir:** It appeared.

 **Azir:** IN ONE NIGHT.

**Xerath:** Oh.

 **Xerath:** Yeah this might be a problem.

**Azir:** A giant WALL emerges from nothing in my city in an instant, ruining everything I carefully designed while somehow not killing anyone, and my mortal enemy who claims to be the most powerful sorcerer ever keeps bragging how powerful he is and how he will destroy me.

 **Azir:** And somehow you want me to believe you have nothing to do with that?

**Xerath:** Okay yes I see where you are coming from.

 **Xerath:** But it wasn’t me.

**Azir:** ???

**Xerath:** I don’t do stone’s wall. And if I did, I would have killed a few people.

**Sivir:** You can’t kill me.

**Xerath:** I didn’t really try. Wait until I try with magic.

**Sivir:** Well your magic can’t be that great because it looks like a stone’s wall is way too complicated for you.

**Xerath:** Complicated???

 **Xerath:** I manipulate magic in its purest form!

 **Xerath:** I use the most destructive energy you can find on this planet!

 **Xerath:** I control the less stable power you can even conceive with your pathetic little minds.

 **Xerath:** You can not fathom what I am.

 **Xerath:** I BECAME FREAKING MAGIC ITSELF!!!

**Sivir:** Do a stone’s wall.

**Xerath:** ...

 **Xerath:** I can’t.

**Azir:** If it’s not you, who can it be?

**Xerath:** I have no idea but you pissed off so many people there must be a lot of candidates.

**Sivir:** Well, who’s a better sorcerer than you?

**Xerath:** NO ONE!!!

**Azir:** I apologize, dear heiress. I thought my mortal enemy could be useful to us, with his studies in magic, but it seems that he failed me again. I shall find better arcanists to obtain the informations we need.

**Sivir:** *you need.

**Xerath:** You won’t find a better arcanist than me.

**Azir:** Well, do you know the culprit?

**Xerath:** No.

**Azir:** And do you know who might use a powerful stone magic?

**Xerath:** No.

**Sivir:** Then you aren’t that great.

**Xerath:** Wait.

 **Xerath:** Give me a few days.

 **Xerath:** I shall find this little sorcerer.

 **Xerath:** But you better recognize my greatness after that.

**Azir:** Prove yourself.

 **Azir:** Loyalty will be rewarded.

**Xerath:** Yeah yeah.

 **Xerath:** But if this new wannabe sorcerer even thinks about being better than me.

 **Xerath:** I want you to destroy them.

**Azir:** With a word, I end them.

**Xerath:** Good.

 **Xerath:** As youngsters say this days:

 **Xerath:** brb

**Azir renamed group chat "Who built a wall in my city?".**


	2. Her name is Taliyah

**Xerath added Cassiopeia to the group chat.**

**Xerath:** I found the mage!

**Cassiopeia:** Hello there.

**Azir:** At last, we meet.

**Sivir:** NO.

 **Sivir:** NOT HER.

 **Sivir:** ANYONE BUT HER.

**Xerath:** Cute reaction.

**Azir:** Dear heiress, what is the matter?

**Sivir:** This bitch is a treacherous cunning snake.

**Cassiopeia:** Half.

**Xerath:** Did you teach your descendant those words?

 **Xerath:** You talk to me like that now.

**Azir:** Sivir, do you know the mage?

**Sivir:** Do you remember the day you found me bleeding, a blade in the back?

**Azir:** How could I forget?

 **Azir:** It was the day of my resurrection.

 **Azir:** From the power of the blood you inherited, the emperor of Shurima has returned.

**Xerath:** I never left.

**Sivir:** She was at the other side of the blade.

**Azir:** Oh.

 **Azir:** Xerath, blast the snake.

**Cassiopeia:** Half, I said.

**Xerath:** Nah, I start to like her. Familiar vibes from her.

**Cassiopeia:** Also, I’m not the one you’re looking for.

**Sivir:** Trust me, I am looking for you.

 **Sivir:** That forked tongue could use a matching forked face.

 **Sivir:** You’ll get payback and trust me, I don’t mess with pay.

**Cassiopeia:** Please, you are a bounty hunter.

 **Cassiopeia:** There is no bounty on my head.

**Sivir:** Azir???

**Azir:** Please understand, dear heiress. I know you dislike her, you have every reason to. Trust me, I know the pain of getting stabbed in the back.

**Xerath:** It was more of an arcanic conduit aimed at a focused point with a short-timed release of magic energy, to be honest.

 **Xerath:** The focus point being your back.

**Azir:** But for all the pain she brought, without her my return and my Ascension would not have been possible. So I chose to not put a price on her head, for now.

**Xerath:** Hey I forgot that.

 **Xerath:** Maybe I shall blast her.

**Azir:** Shut up Xerath, no one is listening to your blabbering blather.

**Xerath:** You do.

 **Xerath:** You still care <3

**Sivir:** Two things.

 **Sivir:** First, do not use emojis or related symbols on this chat.

 **Sivir:** Especially if you are eon’s old.

 **Sivir:** Second, blast her.

**Cassiopeia:** He doesn’t know where I am.

**Azir:** Xerath you ungrateful disloyal viper, you said you found the mage!

**Xerath:** A friend gave me the number of a woman with a magic that turns people into stone, I added her to the convo.

 **Xerath:** What else did you expect?

**Azir:** To bring her, or at the very least, to meet her!

**Sivir:** To kill her, or this is the last thing you won’t do.

**Xerath:** And giving you my localization? Yeah no, I won’t take that risk.

**Azir:** My main concern is the stone’s mage, stop being paranoid.

**Cassiopeia:** No wonder you were both stabbed in the back.

 **Cassiopeia:** I don’t actually work for the not-emperor-anymore, but I could have.

 **Cassiopeia:** The arcanist’s concerns are valid, I would have thought the same.

**Azir:** It seems the negotiations already started.

 **Azir:** But I do not know what your desire is yet.

**Sivir:** What do snakes want?

**Xerath:** Does a snake have a desire?

**Cassiopeia:** Half-snake, I said.

 **Cassiopeia:** I want intel and I could use some of your logistics.

**Azir:** Acceptable request.

 **Azir:** But you’ll have to answer my own desire.

 **Azir:** Which is to know why you put a freaking wall in my city???

**Cassiopeia:** It wasn’t me.

**Azir:** Xerath said the same and he brought you to prove he is competent.

**Xerath:** I have nothing to prove.

 **Xerath:** I'm the best around.

**Cassiopeia:** I do not know how to put a wall in a city.

**Xerath:** My friend told me you could make stone statue by magic?

**Cassiopeia:** I turn living people into stone. It’s very different. Is your wall made of human statues?

**Azir:** No, the shape is more wave-like, really.

**Sivir:** Seems like your friend sucks at intel, Xerath.

**Xerath:** Our relationship is more sales-based, really.

**Azir:** Like anyone could want to be your friend, you spineless coward traitor.

**Xerath:** Do you have any friends little bird???

**Azir:** I have a family.

 **Azir:** What do you have?

**Xerath:** The memories of all the nights I topped you, bitch.

**Sivir:** This is very interesting.

**Cassiopeia:** Isn’t it weird that you have a deep interest for your ancestor’s past sexual activity?

 **Cassiopeia:** I know we Shurimans oftenly take interest in a lot of things.

 **Cassiopeia:** But still.

**Sivir:** Since when do you claim to be Shuriman?

 **Sivir:** I thought you were a Noxian lapdog/snake.

**Cassiopeia:** Half.

 **Cassiopeia:** And don’t blow my cover like that.

**Sivir:** Your cover???

 **Sivir:** From what I heard, you still introduce yourself as Cassiopeia Du Couteau!

 **Sivir:** And like, everyone know Du Couteau is Noxian.

**Cassiopeia:** Why nobody told me about that before?

**Xerath:** Poisonous murdering half snake with turning to stone powers lady could be a reason.

**Cassiopeia:** Ah, yes. People are not very talkative with me.

**Sivir:** Some are.

 **Sivir:** And then you stab them.

**Xerath:** Did you two share the same bed before all of this happened?

**Azir:** It sure sounds like it.

**Sivir:** Stop projecting, old freaks.

**Cassiopeia:** Let them talk.

 **Cassiopeia:** The status of their relationship is valuable information.

**Azir:** Speaking of valuable information.

 **Azir:** If you are not the mage we seek, why are you even here?

 **Azir:** Why do you have to offer?

**Cassiopeia:** I know the girl and I know where she is.

**Sivir:** How?

**Cassiopeia:** Noxion intel, remember?

 **Cassiopeia:** Damn it.

 **Cassiopeia:** I meant Shuriman intel.

**Xerath:** We are the main Shuriman intel, remember?

**Cassiopeia:** Oh.

 **Cassiopeia:** Well, Noxian intel it is.

**Azir:** What do you want for this information?

**Cassiopeia:** First.

 **Cassiopeia:** No more snakes or reptiles based jokes.

 **Cassiopeia:** It was never funny.

**Sivir:** Always has been.

**Cassiopeia:** IT WAS NOT.

**Sivir:** Oh?

 **Sivir:** Did I hit a nerve?

 **Sivir:** You touched several of them when you put a blade in my body.

**Azir:** Dear heiress, I need the intel, so please, stop.

**Sivir:** This bitch doesn’t deserve to forget that she is, in fact, a treacherous cunning snake.

**Cassiopeia:** Half. But you are a complete bitch.

**Azir:** Do not make me ban you from my city.

**Sivir:** The city with a big wall in the middle?

**Azir:** I could also cut your allowance if you can’t stop this badmouthing. 

**Sivir:** ...

 **Sivir:** Silence it is.

**Cassiopeia:** Second.

 **Cassiopeia:** The girl is to be captured, not killed.

 **Cassiopeia:** I tell you where she is, you help me capture her, she’ll repair you city and then leave Shurima forever.

 **Cassiopeia:** (with me)

**Azir:** I am not satisfied.

**Cassiopeia:** My real magic is more poison. Painful, slow, horrible poisons. I’ll probably have to “convince” her to repair your city, and then “convince” her to come with me. It should bring a lot of suffering.

**Azir:** I am satisfied.

 **Azir:** You shall go find her with the person I trust the most.

 **Azir:** Sivir, I have a contract for you.

**Sivir:** I WON’T WORK WITH THIS TWO-FACED CRAWLING FROG!!!

**Xerath:** Frog?

**Sivir:** I’m banned from snake based jokes.

**Xerath:** Makes sense.

**Azir:** Dear heiress, you shall obey.

**Sivir:** No.

**Azir:** In the name of the blood we share.

**Sivir:** Still no.

**Azir:** In the name of gold.

**Sivir:** Yes.

**Azir:** But you won’t backstab the Noxian.

**Sivir:** It’s no again.

**Azir:** In the name of lot of gold.

**Sivir:** … Maybe?

**Azir:** And you shall have the imperial chamber at the top of the tower in my palace.

**Sivir:** Now we’re talking.

**Cassiopeia:** Gold-loving and chamber-loving whore.

**Sivir:** … Isn’t that what whores love?

**Xerath:** Touché.

**Cassiopeia:** She just admitted to be a whore!

**Xerath:** Buy her. 

**Xerath:** You talk of her like you want to buy her services.

**Sivir:** Stop freaking projecting.

**Azir:** Can we talk about the girl now?

**Cassiopeia:** I won’t pay for that bitch.

 **Cassiopeia:** Oh you meant the mage.

 **Cassiopeia:** Her name is Taliyah. A young adult, she came from the nomad tribes. She has an amazing power over stone, earth, rocks, you name it.

 **Cassiopeia:** A Noxian general tried to control her but failed. Her own control over her power is not great. Also the general wasn’t very great either.

 **Cassiopeia:** We lost her trace in Ionia. Seems like she came back here. Something happened and she made a giant wall in the middle of the desert a few weeks ago.

**Azir:** What’s her deal with walls???

**Cassiopeia:** Well, this time it was more like she lost control of her power.

**Sivir:** How do you know that?

**Cassiopeia:** The wall was ugly. Yours is pretty, Azir. Nicely shaped.

**Azir:** It’s a hideous scar on the face of my glorious city than shall be erased from existence.

 **Azir:** Also, how do you know how it looks???

**Cassiopeia:** Noxian intel.

 **Cassiopeia:** Anyway, it seems like the big wall was too much power for her and she exhausted herself. Probably collapsed.

 **Cassiopeia:** But she was saved by someone I know nothing about.

 **Cassiopeia:** Another girl.

 **Cassiopeia:** But the new girl was described to me as a statue.

 **Cassiopeia:** So I don’t even know if she’s human.

**Sivir:** Amazing intel.

**Cassiopeia:** Still better than your daddy’s ex.

**Sivir:** He’s not my father!

**Azir:** He’s not my ex!

**Xerath:** He’s not telling the truth!

**Sivir:** Anyway, where can we find her now?

**Cassiopeia:** She found a hextech crystal in her wall, in the rocks that came from deep underground.

 **Cassiopeia:** Amazing luck.

 **Cassiopeia:** She took a bit of its magic before collapsing to survive, but she might want it more of it.

 **Cassiopeia:** So we go to the first wall and we wait for her.

**Sivir:** This plan sucks.

**Cassiopeia:** Also, we can take the crystal and sell it.

**Sivir:** Amazing plan.

**Cassiopeia:** Whore.

**Sivir:** Bitch.

**Azir:** Enough.

 **Azir:** A plan was formed. 

**Azir:** You two shall bring me the girl named "Taliyah".

 **Azir:** The girl who built a freaking wall in my city.

 **Azir:** And you will be rewarded.

**Azir renamed group chat to "Taliyah’s Assassination".**

**Xerath:** You said you would acknowledge my greatness.

**Sivir:** "Notice me senpai".

**Azir:** You are great at finding greater people than you.

**Xerath:** I will erase you bloodline so hard bitch.

**Cassiopeia** : Ahem.

 **Cassiopeia:** Sorry to interrupt your flirty exchange.

 **Cassiopeia:** But we agreed on "don’t kill the girl".

**Azir:** Fine, fine…

**Azir renamed group chat to "Taliyah’s Kidnapping".**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Cassiopeia join the chat!
> 
> And I can finally talk about best girl Taliyah.
> 
> Less horniness, more plot, sorry.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this silliness!


	3. She has friends and that's a problem

**Sivir:** It hurts.

 **Sivir:** It hurts so much.

**Cassiopeia:** I can’t feel my body anymore.

 **Cassiopeia:** From head to toe, everything is numb.

**Sivir:** You don’t have any toe.

**Cassiopeia:** Do I still have arms, head and chest?

**Sivir:** Yeah.

 **Sivir:** And a big tail.

**Cassiopeia:** Then I’m still correct.

 **Cassiopeia:** Everything hurts.

**Azir:** Dear heiress! Noxian agent! What happened?

**Xerath:** Ah, the group chat is working again?

 **Xerath:** You were silent for five days I think.

 **Xerath:** I mean, I do want Azir to shut up.

 **Xerath:** Definetly.

 **Xerath:** But I got bored.

**Sivir:** A lot happened.

 **Sivir:** Like, I don’t even know where to start.

 **Sivir:** How did you find this girl Azir???

**Cassiopeia:** Yeah that’s a valid question.

**Azir:** ???

 **Azir:** I NEVER MET THE GIRL!!!

 **Azir:** That’s the whole point of this group chat!

 **Azir:** I don’t know her, yet she put a freaking wall in my city.

**Cassiopeia:** She’s a mage.

 **Cassiopeia:** Powerful, but she lacks experience.

**Sivir:** Also she has friends.

 **Sivir:** Which was the actual problem.

**Cassiopeia:** Agreed.

**Azir:** They wanted to stab each other a few days ago, now they are united against a common enemy.

 **Azir:** I knew it was a good idea.

**Xerath:** Did you miss the part where they got beat up?

**Azir:** You got beat up???

 **Azir:** Heiress, how could you fail?

**Xerath:** When people start with "Im hurt" instead of "mission succeed", it’s like when you told me "stop" instead of "again".

 **Xerath:** It means your body is too weak to do what is expected of you, pussy.

**Azir:** XERATH YOU TREACHEROUS SNAKE NOW IS NOT THE TIME I HAVE MORE PRESSING MATTERS!!!

**Sivir:** I would have snorted.

 **Sivir:** If I could still feel my face.

**Cassiopeia:** But her face took a mace.

**Azir:** A mace?

 **Azir:** I need a report of what happened!

**Cassiopeia:** We met the girl.

 **Cassiopeia:** Taliyah.

 **Cassiopeia:** She’s young. Barely an adult. She’s kind of… I don’t how to describe her.

 **Cassiopeia:** You know, those happy airhead but that are not that dumb but kind of feel a little dumb even if you know they are not?

**Sivir:** Bubbly.

**Cassiopeia:** Yeah, that’s the word.

 **Cassiopeia:** Taliyah is bubbly.

 **Cassiopeia:** That’s what we learned from hidden observation.

**Azir:** She can bend bubbles to her will? Is that her magic?

**Sivir:** No. It’s rock.

 **Sivir:** We told you it’s rock.

 **Sivir:** Also, she can surf on rocks.

**Azir:** She can do what now?

**Cassiopeia:** We found the huge wall she put on the middle of the desert, and part of her training is surfing on it, by magic.

 **Cassiopeia:** The power she has over rock allows her to treat like water, it’s quite fascinating.

**Xerath:** Wow Azir.

 **Xerath:** A rock surfing young girl.

 **Xerath:** What a dreadful opponent.

 **Xerath:** I understand why she is your top priority now.

**Azir:** Shut up, you are just jealous because you’re not my top priority anymore.

 **Azir:** Dear heiress, what is surf?

**Cassiopeia:** …

**Sivir:** Come on, you are not THAT old.

**Xerath:** Hey, we’re about the same age and I know about surfing!

**Sivir:** You don’t even have the body to surf???

**Xerath:** I had a more exciting youth than bird prince her.

**Azir:** I HAD POLITICAL DUTIES.

 **Azir:** So excuse me princess, but I didn’t have your spare time.

**Xerath:** Also, the ability to keep balance on a weak board on an uncontrollable force is a great way to train your mind for magic.

**Azir:** Heiress, explain to me.

**Sivir:** Surf is you, on a board, on a wave in the sea, and you slide on it while not falling.

 **Sivir:** Taliyah does that on rocks.

 **Sivir:** So a great wall of rock is a great wave to ride for her.

**Azir:** Is that why she put a wall in my city?

 **Azir:** To do the surf???

**Sivir:** Please stop talking like this. I'm ashamed to be related to you.

**Xerath:** You are not ashamed to be related to his allowance, I recall.

**Sivir:** Point taken.

 **Sivir:** Keep talking but make it less shameful.

**Cassiopeia:** You know, the big wall made in the middle of your city only to ride it would make so much sense.

 **Cassiopeia:** Bubbly girl uses unbelievable magic powers to have fun.

 **Cassiopeia:** Best report I would have written.

**Sivir:** Also she has a cute little butt.

**Cassiopeia:** Agreed. Best report.

**Sivir:** But this report would avoid her new friends.

 **Sivir:** And we didn’t not avoid them.

 **Sivir:** Like, at all.

**Azir:** But who are these new friends?

 **Azir:** I thought she only had a new girl with her, according to your intel?

**Xerath:** Yeah, and aren’t you both fearsome powerful women?

 **Xerath:** The super noxian agent with poison powers and the girl with the boomerang and the weak bloodline?

**Sivir:** It’s a ceremonial blade from your own era!!!

**Xerath:** Yeah. Guess why it was "ceremonial"?

**Azir:** Not now!

**Cassiopeia:** Well, poisons are really effective on humans.

 **Cassiopeia:** Or living things.

 **Cassiopeia:** She’s not.

**Azir:** Another Ascended?

**Sivir:** No, not at all.

 **Sivir:** She’s a walking and talking puppet shaped like a ballerina.

**Xerath:** Yeah, that makes more sense for sure.

**Cassiopeia:** That's rich coming from you.

 **Cassiopeia:** Anyway.

 **Cassiopeia:** She was mechanical, get out of your desert sometimes.

 **Cassiopeia:** According to what I heard, her name is Orianna.

 **Cassiopeia:** She came from Piltover. From my intel she was a human once, but she was poisoned and her father rebuilt her entire body until there wasn’t anything alive in her anymore.

 **Cassiopeia:** Also, she has a ball.

**Xerath:** Impressive, since Azir has none.

**Azir:** Unlike you, I didn’t lose those in my Ascension.

 **Azir:** What have you left, a really, really small spark? A fading light?

**Xerath:** You didn’t talk about it like that back in the days.

**Cassiopeia:** ...

 **Cassiopeia:** Men.

**Sivir:** I know right?

**Cassiopeia:** It’s a ball which powers her entire body with a hextech cristal.

 **Cassiopeia:** And she found a girl with the potential of finding hextech cristal from the earth.

 **Cassiopeia:** Which could be a really great asset in the hands of Noxus but no, a disgraced general had to try to use the girl and then to try to kill her.

 **Cassiopeia:** Sometimes, I wish the man was not dead so I could kill him again.

 **Cassiopeia:** All of this to say: yes, we had a problem. The ballerina was immunized against half of my spells.

**Xerath:** And what happened when you tried the other half?

**Sivir:** She took the ball in the face.

 **Sivir:** Then she took the ball in the back.

 **Sivir:** Then the ball used a mix of magic and hextech technology.

 **Sivir:** And boom.

 **Sivir:** Shockwave.

 **Sivir:** I never knew it was this strong against rodents.

**Cassiopeia:** Snakes are not rodent you dumb whore.

**Sivir:** Yeah but snakes jokes are not allowed I heard.

 **Sivir:** So you feel attacked and you can’t claim that you were attacked.

 **Sivir:** I win, bitch.

**Cassiopeia:** Oh but you felt attacked.

 **Cassiopeia:** In the face.

**Sivir:** Shut. Up.

**Azir:** Dear heiress, you mentioned another ally of her.

**Sivir:** It’s not that important.

**Cassiopeia:** There was someone at the wall when the girl came here.

 **Cassiopeia:** Someone who tried to pass the wall.

**Azir:** Ah, we had a rock surfer, now we have a rock climber.

 **Azir:** Now this is a discipline I know about.

 **Azir:** Even Xerath will acknowledge I was good at it back in the days.

**Xerath:** It did give you some nice legs.

 **Xerath:** But you sacrificed those in your Ascension and now you have those bird things.

 **Xerath:** So I acknowledge you had something good back then but now you suck.

**Cassiopeia:** No, he didn’t try to climb the wall.

 **Cassiopeia:** He tried to go through it.

**Xerath:** Another mage?

**Cassiopeia:** No. He was hitting the wall with his mace.

**Azir:** Ah! I saw the walls of the girl, he must be a fool!

**Cassiopeia:** That’s what I thought at the beginning.

 **Cassiopeia:** That’s why we chose to attack.

 **Cassiopeia:** But it turned out, he was not a fool.

**Sivir:** He was a freaking monster.

 **Sivir:** A mountain of muscles, his arms bigger than my chest.

 **Sivir:** And those abs.

 **Sivir:** He wore nothing on those abs.

 **Sivir:** He had leather pants, metallic boots, metallic gaunts, and a metallic helmet.

**Azir:** In the middle of the desert? Are you kidding me?

**Xerath:** She did say her head was hurt in the process…

**Sivir:** I know, but that’s how he was.

 **Sivir:** A mountain of muscle with a metallic helmet.

 **Sivir:** And it was not a mace. It was a freaking morgenstern.

 **Sivir:** And he did start a path in the wall only by hitting it with his weapon repeatedly.

**Azir:** And who is this new foe?

**Sivir:** Well I wanted to ask once we defeated them.

 **Sivir:** And then he stopped my blade with his hands, came to me and used his morgenstern.

 **Sivir:** And then I don’t remember.

 **Sivir:** But the pain is still hear.

**Cassiopeia** : In a chat with the girls, he mentioned his name.

 **Cassiopeia:** But I found nothing in the noxian intel. Like, zero. We never heard of him.

 **Cassiopeia** : Sahn-Uzal.

**Azir:** Hey, I think I heard this name somewhere.

**Xerath** : Same. 

**Xerath:** But it sounds… Old.

 **Xerath:** Even to me.

 **Xerath:** Weird.

**Azir:** Same.

 **Azir:** I'll may have to explore some old books.

 **Azir:** And why did he fight on their side?

**Cassiopeia:** Adventures.

**Xerath:** Say what now?

**Sivir:** Taliyah became friends with the metallic girl by promising to find some hextech cristal if they travel together.

**Cassiopeia:** Orianna.

**Sivir:** And Taliyah became friends with the guy with a lot of metallic stuff by offering him to join them in their adventures.

**Cassiopeia:** Sahn-Uzal.

**Azir:** Just like that?

**Sivir:** He wanted danger, foes to defeat, and pleasure in life.

**Azir:** I could have offered him all of this!!!

 **Azir:** How did the girl convince him?

**Cassiopeia:** Because we attacked them.

 **Cassiopeia:** So he’s happy.

 **Cassiopeia:** And he’s hoping there’s more coming.

**Xerath:** kjmazerhfebnggaklkmq

 **Xerath:** HAHAHAHAHA

 **Xerath:** This is so Azir-like. Pure failure. Absolute stupidity.

**Azir:** Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

 **Azir:** I still have no answers.

 **Azir:** I still have no revenge.

 **Azir:** Did you really learn nothing about her motives?

**Sivir:** She’s on a quest I guess?

**Xerath:** Revenge?

**Sivir:** Nah, she’s bubbly, remember?

 **Sivir:** It’s more like, self discovery odyssey or something.

 **Sivir:** I was hit by a mountain so I’m not sure.

**Cassiopeia:** A morgenstern.

**Sivir:** Felt like a mountain.

 **Sivir:** She just said that she had to find herself before she could find her master.

**Azir:** Her master? She has a master?

 **Azir:** He must be a powerful mage. Maybe the mastermind behind all of this.

 **Azir:** …

 **Azir:** Xerath?

**Xerath:** Bitch?

**Azir:** Did you take any apprentice recently?

**Xerath:** Nah, it’s not me.

 **Xerath:** But I really should have.

 **Xerath:** I’ll try to find one or two or ten young sorcerers and send them to your city.

 **Xerath:** If you feel a lightning on your sorry back, it’s probably me or my students.

 **Xerath:** Like the younglings say now:

 **Xerath:** brb

**Azir:** This traitor.

 **Azir:** One day, I’ll destroy him for good.

 **Azir:** So, any idea where they’ll go now?

**Sivir:** Yes but you won’t like it.

**Azir:** ???

**Sivir:** They need some information to know where to go next.

 **Sivir:** So they’re going to see the "Shuriman intel".

**Azir:** We don’t have a "Shuriman intel".

**Sivir:** Because you still refuse to forgive him.

**Azir:** No.

 **Azir:** Not him.

**Cassiopeia:** Who are we talking about?

**Sivir:** Another Ascended, who warned Azir about Xerath but who wasn’t listened.

 **Sivir:** And my glorious ancestor didn’t take really well the "I told you so".

**Xerath:** He told you so.

**Azir:** WILL YOU SHUT UP???!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we finally met Taliyah and friends! Because for some reasons, I felt that it was a great team!
> 
> Also the duo Cassiopeia/Sivir is really pleasant to write with. I do not ship them, but I do love to have them interacts.
> 
> And Azir is still cranky.
> 
> New characters! And in the next chapter, hopefully more plot... And more insults because that's how these characters talks to each other.


	4. Time for a cup of tea

**Sivir added Nasus to the group chat.**

**Sivir:** Freaking.

 **Sivir:** Finally.

 **Sivir:** Why did I have to search the entire desert to find an Ascended’s contact???

**Cassiopeia:** Because your dear ancestor didn't have it, despite being Ascended and Emperor.

**Azir:** This kind of technology/sorcery wasn’t available back in the day, and I didn’t have the opportunity to obtain his "contact information" when we met again.

**Sivir:** Why???

 **Sivir:** Why the quotation mark on contact info?

**Cassiopeia:** And why did I have to come with her in the middle of this hell to find the Ascended?

**Azir:** Would you please stop your complaints?

 **Azir:** I paid you both for this. In gold and in intel.

 **Azir:** It’s always hard to find an Ascended. We are not truly from this plan anymore, and living among ordinary creatures is painful sometimes. It is not a surprise that Nasus seeked loneliness in the desert.

**Sivir:** Wait, frog girl has a point.

 **Sivir:** Why did she come with me???

**Cassiopeia:** I will make you pay for each fake snake joke the same way I would have made you pay for each snake joke.

**Azir:** After your defeat, your warrior spirit was broken. Losing so hard must have shattered your teamplay and your confidence.

 **Azir:** A simple mission should help you regain what you miss now.

**Cassiopeia:** Why are you talking about teamplay?

**Sivir:** I spent all these days walking with extra armor on my back under the heat of Shurima’s sun because she will try again.

**Azir:** Do not worry, my agents.

 **Azir:** Time will teach you all you need to know.

**Sivir:** Agents???

**Cassiopeia:** Your agents???

 **Cassiopeia:** I am a loyal Noxian!!!

**Sivir:** I thought you wanted to lay low on this matter.

**Cassiopeia:** Oh, shut up.

**Nasus:** I see you kept your habit of not listening to the people around you, my Emperor.

 **Nasus:** If I may correct you, my loneliness in the desert is mainly caused by the exile you bestowed upon me.

 **Nasus:** I always enjoy the company of my occasional visitors.

**Azir:** Ah, Nasus. I see you kept your habit of expressing your views on everything, my dear general.

**Cassiopeia:** Wait, I’m taking notes. He’s a general? Disgraced? Is there a possibility for a foreign nation to use his aptitudes?

**Nasus:** I am flattered by your offer, young lady, but I am forever loyal to Shurima. While my Emperor and I may have some disagreements, I am still his general.

**Sivir:** Yet he banished you from his city?

**Nasus:** Only for a few years. I lived for centuries, a little punishment like this is not a big deal. Besides, I can take care of my garden here and farm in peace.

 **Nasus:** Is the tea to your liking?

**Cassiopeia:** One of the best I ever tasted, and I tasted the best.

**Sivir:** I could drink anything after this freaking journey.

**Azir:** Wait.

 **Azir:** I thought you hated this punishment???

**Nasus:** Oops.

 **Nasus:** I mean, it is a horrible sentence, but I came to terms with it. I long for the day of my return, but in the time being, I produce a tea of great quality.

**Azir:** Mmmmh.

 **Azir:** Let’s say I didn’t hear that.

 **Azir:** So, Nasus. I think you had some visitors a few days ago.

 **Azir:** Why was I not informed of this?

**Nasus:** I don’t want to be painted as a disloyal servant, my Emperor, but the last time we spoke you specifically said "Don’t talk to me ever again".

**Sivir:** By the heat of the desert, what did you do to him?

**Nasus:** I apologize, dear lady, but I was also forbidden to talk about that to other people.

**Cassiopeia:** By the taste of that tea, aren’t you fond of forbidding things?

**Sivir:** "By the taste of that tea"?

**Cassiopeia:** The tea is really good.

 **Cassiopeia:** We Noxians don’t have a lot of things to invoke when we want to swear. Except our own strength.

**Azir:** Well, Nasus, you who pretend to be loyal to me, you served your tea to an enemy of your Emperor.

**Nasus:** Oh my.

 **Nasus:** Taliyah, Orianna or Sahn-Uzal?

**Azir:** All of them.

 **Azir:** But specifically Taliyah.

**Nasus:** What could such a sweet girl do to an Ascended of your power?

**Azir:** "Such a sweet girl"?

**Nasus:** We had a wonderful time together.

 **Nasus:** She’s quite an interesting character, and I could say the same of the fellows who travel with her.

**Cassiopeia:** Wait, so, the "Shuriman intel" is… An Ascended who obtains information by having tea with your foes?

**Nasus:** You should try it sometimes. Without poison, I mean.

**Sivir:** How do you know about that?

**Azir:** It’s true that he learns a lot by talking to visitors.

 **Azir:** But visitors come to him for a reason.

 **Azir:** Since the Ascension, he obtained some powers on Knowledge and Truth.

**Sivir:** "Some" powers?

**Nasus:** What he means is that I have obtained the gift of Illumination.

**Cassiopeia:** Oh, are you Ionian now?

**Nasus:** I beg your pardon?

**Cassiopeia:** They keep giving this kind of names to their chosen ones.

 **Cassiopeia:** Enlightened, Illuminate, Sage, all this kind of stuff.

**Sivir:** How do you Noxians call your chosen ones?

**Cassiopeia:** Living people, it's rare enough.

**Nasus:** Anyway, my blessing was bestowed upon me eons before Ionians had their heroes.

**Azir:** The problem is that his "blessing" is a curse.

**Nasus:** On this matter, I’m afraid we agree.

 **Nasus:** I can give a truthful answer to any question asked to me.

 **Nasus:** And please, Cassiopeia, do not try to put a sleeping poison in my tea.

 **Nasus:** I would hate to hurt a guest.

**Cassiopeia:** Can’t blame an agent for trying.

**Azir:** That’s the spirit!

**Cassiopeia:** Noxian agent.

**Sivir:** So, if we just ask you where Taliyah is or what she wants, you can just… Tell us?

**Nasus:** Yes.

**Sivir:** Can you also tell us where Azir keeps the key to his treasure?

**Azir:** DEAR HEIRESS!!!

**Xerath:** In his pants.

**Azir:** XERATH I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!

**Xerath:** Yeah sorry but I could not miss that.

 **Xerath:** Also it’s true.

**Nasus:** Xerath… Long, very long time no see.

**Xerath:** Same.

 **Xerath:** When do you leave?

**Nasus:** I shall not fall for your taunts.

 **Nasus:** Do you want to add something or can I continue?

**Xerath:** Yeah yeah, forget me.

**Nasus:** Unfortunately, I can’t.

 **Nasus:** To answer your questions, heiress of the Emperor, yes I could give you an answer.

 **Nasus:** But you would not like said answer.

**Sivir:** What does that mean?

 **Sivir:** Is it a threat?

 **Sivir:** I can still fight you know.

**Azir:** He means you won’t like the answer to your question.

 **Azir:** That’s his power.

 **Azir:** He’ll always give the good answer but only in a way that you will hate hear it.

 **Azir:** He obtained the amazing blessing of knowledge with the curse of truth.

**Sivir:** I don’t understand.

**Azir:** It’s not important.

**Xerath:** Back in the day, Azir asked Nasus what was the biggest threat to his reign.

 **Xerath:** Guess what was the answer and why he is so bitter?

**Azir:** I swear Xerath, I will kick you out of this convo if you finish that story.

**Cassiopeia:** I always wondered.

 **Cassiopeia:** Why didn’t you kick him before?

**Azir:** If I don’t give him some attention, he’ll try something else.

 **Azir:** And something else is oftenly magical and explosive.

 **Azir:** It’s the lesser evil.

**Sivir:** But what’s the end of the story?

 **Sivir:** I want to know now.

**Nasus:** Emperor, if I may?

**Azir:** Do. And then, we never talk about that again.

**Nasus:** I told my Emperor in no uncertain terms than Xerath was the biggest threat to his reign.

 **Nasus:** My vision was so powerful that I even urged him to kill him now.

 **Nasus:** But out of pride and love, he didn’t.

 **Nasus:** And you know the rest of the story.

 **Nasus:** And as always, I was right.

**Azir:** Well, maybe next time you find your resurrected Emperor alive against all odds you’ll greet him with something else than "I told you so".

**Nasus:** I must admit, it was petty of me.

**Xerath:** Honestly, if I wasn’t so full of hate against you for ruining my own reign after my victory, I would have high fived you for this sick burn.

**Sivir:** So we have the most powerful intel power of all Runeterra but if we dare use it it will backfire?

 **Sivir:** Man it sounds like a child’s tale and it sucks.

 **Sivir:** I want the most powerful power of all Runeterra free of charge.

**Cassiopeia:** So, except for the tea, all this journey to find Nasus was useless?

 **Cassiopeia:** Or you really expect me to ask a question and obtain a horrible answer?

**Nasus:** There is no need to use my powers.

 **Nasus:** I had some tea with them.

 **Nasus:** They told me a lot of things.

**Cassiopeia:** So why all the backstory explanation?

**Azir:** Because he took the tea with you and made everybody talk.

**Cassiopeia:** Oh. You’re good.

**Nasus:** Thank you my dear.

**Azir:** The girl put a wall of stone inside my city.

 **Azir:** Did she tell you why?

**Nasus:** No.

**Azir:** Did she ask you about me or my city?

**Nasus:** Not at all.

**Azir:** She wanted to obtain a more powerful magic, wasn’t she?

**Nasus:** Nope.

**Azir:** Nasus, you are not using your powers, you are not supposed to give only me the answers I hate.

**Nasus:** I apologize, my Emperor, but the trio was on a journey of self-discovery and wanted me to guide them.

 **Nasus:** They didn’t ask about you.

**Xerath:** Nobody should.

**Sivir:** Aren’t you here only because of Azir?

 **Sivir:** You talk and ask about him a lot.

**Cassiopeia:** Touché.

**Xerath:** You both need an arcanopulse in the back.

**Azir:** Then tell me about their journey of self-discovery.

 **Azir:** Tell me their struggles, tell me what they want.

 **Azir:** Tell me what I could use against them.

**Nasus:** I apologize once again, but it was a rather private conversation.

 **Nasus:** It would be very unethical to reveal their secrets.

**Azir:** Your Emperor commands you!

 **Azir:** Speak.

**Nasus:** A blessing and a curse, as I said.

 **Nasus:** Very well.

 **Nasus:** Even after I told them about the price to pay to obtain an answer, the warrior wanted to play.

**Azir:** What did he want?

**Nasus:** The warrior Sahn-Uzal wanted to know his real identity.

 **Nasus:** Fortunately, my old friend Zilean came a few days ago and warned me about Sahn-Uzal.

 **Nasus:** Under no circumstances Sahn-Uzal is allowed to recover his old identity.

 **Nasus:** If he finds his name, terrible things shall happen.

**Cassiopeia:** Who’s Zilean?

**Sivir:** A mage with the power to manipulate time.

**Xerath:** And a terrible catchphrase.

**Sivir:** What?

**Nasus:** He keeps saying "I knew you would do that".

 **Nasus:** Also, dear Emperor, he knew you would ask, so here is his answer: no, he is not the master of the girl; no, he did not put a wall in your city; and no, the original design of your city wasn’t that great anyway.

**Azir:** This old geezer thinks is so great.

 **Azir:** How does he know all of that???

**Nasus:** Well, he is responsible for Sahn-Uzal amnesia.

**Cassiopeia:** What.

 **Cassiopeia:** Is.

 **Cassiopeia:** Going on here???

 **Cassiopeia:** I don't have enough paper to take my notes.

**Sivir:** Too much info.

 **Sivir:** Okay so the guy who hurt me last time is an amnesiac who wants to find who he is.

 **Sivir:** And he just accepted that you refuse to answer???

**Nasus:** Well, he wanted to fight me.

**Sivir:** He is a monster.

**Nasus:** But Taliyah stopped him.

**Sivir:** She must be a monster.

**Nasus:** She is very powerful.

**Azir:** I knew it!

**Nasus:** I was talking about her charisma.

**Azir:** Whatever.

 **Azir:** I don’t care about the friends of the girl.

 **Azir:** What did you talk about with her?

**Nasus:** We had a powerful exchange about our respectives pasts.

 **Nasus:** I told her about the things I lost, about the pain of war and the curse of my power, and she offered me sympathy and support. In return, she told me about her upbringing, her clan and the terrible things that happened to her parents.

**Azir:** I could not care less about her backstory.

 **Azir:** What does she want?

 **Azir:** Where is she going?

**Nasus:** You know, you could really use tea and therapy from time to time.

**Azir:** WHERE

 **Azir:** IS

 **Azir:** SHE

 **Azir:** GOING???

**Nasus:** Very well.

 **Nasus:** She was abandoned by her master in the middle of the desert and she is looking for him. But because of his level and of the disappointment she brought him, she wants to become stronger on the way. So she sailed on a journey, ready to face the dangers on her path.

 **Nasus:** And her goal is: Ionia.

**Sivir:** Why Ionia?

**Nasus:** Her master is Ionian.

**Cassiopeia:** Couldn’t you start with that and skip the backstory part?

**Nasus:** No more tea for you if you can’t enjoy a good origin story.

**Cassiopeia:** Please, tell me more about the past of the girl. It’s so very interesting.

**Sivir:** Tea-whore.

**Cassiopeia:** Gold-whore.

**Azir:** At last.

 **Azir:** I know where they go.

 **Azir:** There is only one way to go to Ionia, and it’s to take the sea.

 **Azir:** Their journey will lead them to the port.

 **Azir:** Dear Agents, you know where your target is.

 **Azir:** Go, and prevent them from setting sail!

**Sivir:** They are three days ahead of us because you kept refusing to go talk to Nasus!

**Cassiopeia:** And I am not your agent!

**Azir:** I shall kick everyone who refuses to listen to my plans out of the group chat.

 **Azir:** Noxian agent, you would lose the intel.

 **Azir:** Heiress, I shall also kick you out of your room and of my inheritance if you refuse.

**Sivir:** To the port it is.

**Cassiopeia:** Why do you keep tagging me with her?

**Azir:** Each one of you would fail in solo.

**Sivir:** Wow.

**Cassiopeia:** Rude.

**Xerath:** You could also ask Nasus if the trip you're about to make and the pain you’re about to endure are worth it.

**Nasus:** Trust me, heiress of the Emperor.

 **Nasus:** You really shouldn’t ask me that.

**Sivir:** I hate every single one of you.

**Cassiopeia:** You would make a good Noxian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Nasus!
> 
> Such a fun character to write with, even if I took a lot of inspiration from Archduke Nasus. He seems like the kind of champion you could take a cup of tea with and discuss about the long and entertaining life he had!
> 
> Also Cassiopeia and Sivir are slowly becoming Jessie and James from Pokemon and I won't apologize for that.
> 
> Oh, and also, plot! 
> 
> Everytime I fear I put to much plot at once, but I hope you still enjoy it.
> 
> Next stop: kidnapping Taliyah, attempt #2.


	5. Do not attack people who are awkwardly hugging

**Azir:** Agents!

 **Azir:** You should be in position by now.

 **Azir:** What is the situation?

 **Azir:** Dear heiress?

 **Azir:** Transferred Noxian?

 **Azir:** I order a report on the situation.

 **Azir:** You both should know by now how important your mission is.

 **Azir:** It is our time.

 **Azir:** I put my faith in you, put your faith in me.

 **Azir:** Together, you shall strive toward victory.

 **Azir:** We walk a path of radiance.

 **Azir:** So you better answer now.

 **Azir:** I don’t want to follow the path of anger.

**Sivir:** STOP SPAMMING!!!

 **Sivir:** You’re going to ruin the mission you gave us!

**Azir:** What is this spamming you speak off?

**Sivir:** It’s what you’re doing!!!

**Azir:** Then, I shall keep spamming you.

 **Azir:** My spamming will give you strength, concentration, accuracy.

 **Azir:** The spamming of an Emperor shall lift the hearts of his servants.

**Cassiopeia:** She actually refers to the repetitive message sending with little to no delay.

 **Cassiopeia:** Which prevents us from focusing on the mission you gave us.

 **Cassiopeia:** Which may cause exasperation.

**Azir:** Oh. That.

**Sivir:** How do you explain so easily?

 **Sivir:** Everytime I try to translate a modern concept to him it’s like talking to a toddler.

**Cassiopeia:** Diplomacy.

**Sivir:** I thought poison was your thing?

 **Sivir:** And, also, blade in the back.

**Cassiopeia:** You need diplomacy to lure your targets in range for poison or blade in the back.

**Sivir:** You didn’t use diplomacy to trap me last time.

**Cassiopeia:** Gold is the way to talk to you.

 **Cassiopeia:** I offered gold, you showed me your back.

 **Cassiopeia:** A beautiful language.

**Xerath:** I repeat myself, but I like the Noxian.

**Cassiopeia:** Stop reminding everyone of my citizenship, it will blow my cover.

**Sivir:** Why are you still here, Xerath? 

**Xerath:** It turns out there aren't that many students in magic in Shurima, and they don’t want to follow my wisdom and learn how to blast Azir.

 **Xerath:** Which is a shame.

 **Xerath:** Back in MY days, I would have killed to obtain more magical power.

 **Xerath:** Oh wait.

 **Xerath:** I did.

 **Xerath:** Anyway, until I come up with a new plan to destroy your ancestor, I thought it would be fun to see another failure from him.

**Azir:** Look in the mirror.

 **Azir:** You are my greatest failure.

**Xerath:** Cry me a river.

**Azir:** At least I still have eyes to cry.

**Nasus:** My Emperor, do not let this terrorist anger you.

 **Nasus:** You are far above this.

**Xerath:** Trust me, he was under me and he didn’t complain.

**Nasus:** From what Sivir told me, you were unable to find the mage and you found a new agent for your mortal enemy instead.

 **Nasus:** Also, the girl angered Azir more than anything you did recently.

**Xerath:** I literally killed him!

**Nasus:** That was eons ago.

 **Nasus:** Up your game, because right now you just sound jealous.

**Azir:** Thank you, Guardian.

 **Azir:** Wait… Did you just suggest Xerath should try harder to kill me?

**Nasus:** Not at all, my Emperor.

 **Nasus:** I was just "roasting" him, as the youngsters say these days.

**Sivir:** By the gold you will all owe me, stop trying to sound young, all of you.

 **Sivir:** And stop spamming the chat.

 **Sivir:** You will blow our cover.

**Azir:** Then update us on the situation.

 **Azir:** Are you at the port?

**Cassiopeia:** "The port" has a name.

 **Cassiopeia:** Yes, we are in Urzeris.

**Azir:** Yeah, the port.

**Xerath:** Why does he look bitter about the city’s name?

 **Xerath:** Tell me, it’s always nice to make him bitter.

**Cassiopeia:** Urzeris is a Noxian name.

 **Cassiopeia:** It’s an ancient Shuriman city that was colonized.

 **Cassiopeia:** And turned into a nice multicultural coastal city.

**Xerath:** The port it is.

**Cassiopeia:** You Shurimans really are sore losers.

**Azir:** Shouldn’t you focus on the mission?

 **Azir:** Did the girl escape?

**Cassiopeia:** Trust me. I pulled a few strings, they were stuck here for three days at least.

**Sivir:** Yeah, how did you do that?

**Cassiopeia:** Noxian city.

 **Cassiopeia:** Noxian agent.

 **Cassiopeia:** Diplomacy.

 **Cassiopeia:** Please, learn to listen.

**Sivir:** You just blow up your cover.

 **Sivir:** Again.

**Cassiopeia:** Shut up and focus, I can’t hear what they are saying.

**Azir:** Wait, you are next to them?

 **Azir:** Attack!

**Cassiopeia:** No.

**Sivir:** No.

**Nasus:** Do you want me to use my powers to find out their odds of success, Emperor?

**Azir:** No.

**Sivir:** I know I should be offended.

 **Sivir:** But thank you Nasus.

**Nasus:** My pleasure.

**Azir:** At least tell me what they are doing.

**Cassiopeia:** Talking.

**Azir:** Plotting my demise?

**Xerath:** Hey that’s my job.

**Sivir:** No, they’re having a moment.

**Azir:** What?

 **Azir:** Explain!

**Cassiopeia:** They have a heart-to-heart talk about their struggles and fears.

**Azir:** This is valuable information!

 **Azir:** Tell me everything.

**Cassiopeia:** Wait, I’m taking notes.

 **Cassiopeia:** My Taliyah folder keeps getting bigger everyday.

 **Cassiopeia:** And I have the Orianna and the Shan-Uzal folder.

 **Cassiopeia:** And I’m tipping for this group chat.

 **Cassiopeia:** I have only two arms and one tail.

**Sivir:** Honestly, your ability to write with your tail is impressive.

**Cassiopeia:** Thanks darling.

**Sivir:** I still hate you.

**Cassiopeia:** Sure, but keep admiring me too.

**Azir:** Less flirting, more spying.

**Sivir:** I told her ONE positive thing.

 **Sivir:** I’m not you, I don’t have a hate-love relationship full of unfulfilled sexual tension with all my ex potential lovers.

**Xerath:** "Potential lovers"?

**Cassiopeia:** I asked her before all of treachery/transformation part, but it was mostly for control.

 **Cassiopeia:** She’s not my type.

**Sivir:** I already sensed that there was a trap.

 **Sivir:** And you were not my type already.

**Xerath:** Yeah they’re flirting.

**Nasus:** Why do you have to put oil on fire all the time?

**Xerath:** Eternity, power, boringness, ambition. Four good reasons.

 **Xerath:** You should try it sometimes.

**Nasus:** Wisdom, books to read, people to help and tea to drink. Those four things protect me.

**Xerath:** From horniness or from malice?

**Nasus:** Yes.

**Azir:** Enough!!!

 **Azir:** The plot.

 **Azir:** My enemies are plotting against me.

**Sivir:** We told you they are not!

 **Sivir:** They’re just in a nice inn, waiting for their boat to be able to leave the port, and talking.

**Azir:** Then what are they talking about???

**Cassiopeia:** Sahn-Uzal is expressing his conflicting feelings toward Zilean.

 **Cassiopeia:** He sensed no lies from the old mage, but he doesn’t like what he heard.

 **Cassiopeia:** Apparently, the "real" him, with his memories, made a pact with Zilean.

 **Cassiopeia:** And he willingly forfeited his memories and… "Obtained this body"?

**Sivir:** Damn, I really want to find this Zilean if I can have this kind of body.

 **Sivir:** You should see the man.

 **Sivir:** There are muscles on his muscles.

**Nasus:** This is strange.

 **Nasus:** Zilean has no such magic.

 **Nasus:** He manipulates times, not flesh.

 **Nasus:** Otherwise, he would not have the body he has.

 **Nasus:** It must be the body Sahn-Uzal had before.

 **Nasus:** i mean, he had this body, then he changed, then Zilean made him change back.

 **Nasus:** Time magic is really complicated.

**Cassiopeia:** Then, what was his body before returning to that?

 **Cassiopeia:** Is he an old man who obtained rejuvenation in exchange for his memories?

**Xerath:** Sahn-Uzal does sound like a very old name.

 **Xerath:** Even for me.

**Azir:** Then finding his real identity should break the spell and return him to his old, fragile state.

 **Azir:** I shall investigate.

**Xerath:** That’s… Not how it works.

**Azir:** How do you know that?

**Xerath:** Hello?

 **Xerath:** Pure magic being here?

 **Xerath:** With A LITTLE experience with transformation of the body?

**Nasus:** Also, Zilean warned me specifically on this matter.

 **Nasus:** Sahn-Uzal must never find his real name.

 **Nasus:** Or a terrible danger shall fall on Shurima first.

 **Nasus:** Then, on all of Runeterra.

**Sivir:** Talk about ominous.

**Nasus:** Yeah, he can be quite… Intense.

 **Nasus:** When he's not saying "I know you would to that".

**Cassiopeia:** Taliyah is reassuring Sahn-Uzal.

**Azir:** About what?

**Sivir:** Friendship.

**Azir:** What?

**Sivir:** Yeah, apparently, Taliyah wants to be friends with him.

 **Sivir:** Because they fought together and will fight together again.

**Azir:** Against who?

**Cassiopeia:** It does not seem to be important.

 **Cassiopeia:** Sahn-Uzal wants fights and adventures.

 **Cassiopeia:** He just left. He'll have a drink.

 **Cassiopeia:** Saying he was bored of waiting in this city and that Taliyah should find a way to bring him adventure.

 **Cassiopeia:** Or their friendship won’t last.

**Azir:** Change of plan!

 **Azir:** Do not attack them!

 **Azir:** We will destroy their unity by boring them.

**Sivir:** …

 **Sivir:** That… Actually sounds like a good plan.

**Cassiopeia:** I think I can roll with that.

**Sivir:** Don’t you mean "crawl with that"?

**Azir:** Your allowance, Sivir. Be nicer.

**Sivir:** Oh come on!

**Azir:** Tell me about the other girl instead.

**Cassiopeia:** She’s expressing her troubles with her body.

 **Cassiopeia:** She’s feeling unwell but she also doesn’t feel anything anymore.

 **Cassiopeia:** At the same time.

 **Cassiopeia:** She’s describing a lingering feeling of dysfunction while being aware that her body works perfectly. And is at lost because the irrationality of the situation prevents her from finding a way to solve this.

**Azir:** And that’s the problems of the people who attack me?

 **Azir:** This is laughable.

**Xerath:** Hey, show some respect!

**Azir:** What?

**Sivir:** ???

**Cassiopeia:** ???

**Nasus:** Xerath? Is it really you?

**Xerath:** I’m just saying.

 **Xerath:** Those feelings are valids and should not be mocked.

**Nasus:** Xerath, you constantly mock everything and everyone’s feelings.

**Xerath:** Well even I draw the line at having a perfect body and feeling like it’s not enough.

**Azir:** That’s… Quite specific.

**Xerath:** Don’t you have some young girls to spy on?

**Azir:** Do not describe my revenge like this!

 **Azir:** But yeah. Agents, moving on?

**Sivir:** Well apparently meeting Nasus shook Orianna.

 **Sivir:** Hey, she asked him a question!

 **Sivir:** You know, one of those with absolute truthful but unwanted answers.

**Nasus:** Uh-uh.

 **Nasus:** It’s quite private.

 **Nasus:** Maybe you should stop here.

**Sivir:** OH WOW!

 **Sivir:** NASUS???

 **Sivir:** I thought you were good???

 **Sivir:** How could you tell this to the poor girl?!

**Nasus:** I told you it’s not something that I can control.

**Cassiopeia:** Still.

 **Cassiopeia:** I mean, I’m a Noxian master of intel, assassination and manipulation.

 **Cassiopeia:** But even I find this… Horrible.

**Nasus:** It’s always the answer you don’t want to hear.

**Azir:** What are you talking about?

**Sivir:** Well, if we heard well.

 **Sivir:** Orianna asked Nasus how she can feel happiness again, like when she was human.

**Cassiopeia:** And Nasus, with all the power of an Ascended full of Knowledge and Truth, told her:

 **Cassiopeia:** "YOU WILL NEVER RETRIEVE THIS FEELING OF HAPPINESS. EVER."

**Sivir:** Why the capslock?

**Cassiopeia:** Simulation of the power of an Ascended.

 **Cassiopeia:** Also because I’m shaking with indignation.

**Xerath:** Ok, wow.

 **Xerath:** There is "blasting your lover from behind with a lightning" evil.

 **Xerath:** And there "using divine powers to tell a girl she will never find happiness" evil.

**Nasus:** She asked.

 **Nasus:** I warned her. I warned all of them.

**Azir:** He is kind of right…

**Nasus:** Dear Emperor, please.

**Azir:** I don’t know, maybe you should stop telling people things that destroy their happiness.

**Nasus:** I was right about Xerath.

**Azir:** WELL MAYBE STOP RUBBING IT IN MY FACE.

**Sivir:** You even added an ominous "EVER" at the end of your answer.

**Nasus:** Drama is part of my power.

**Sivir:** Well, you dramatically fall between Cassiopeia and Xerath on the list of the worst people of this groupchat.

**Xerath:** Wait, who’s the worst of the two? Cassiopeia or me?

**Sivir:** Yes.

**Azir:** Even if everyone seeing how cruel Nasus can be is satisfying.

**Nasus:** I have not an ounce of cruelty in me.

**Azir:** Let’s return to the targets.

**Cassiopeia:** Well, Taliyah is crying now.

 **Cassiopeia:** She promises Orianna she’ll help her find happiness.

**Nasus:** Good luck with that.

**Azir:** See? He is cruel!

**Nasus:** No, I was being honest.

 **Nasus:** They’re going against the divine powers of truth and knowledge.

 **Nasus:** Luck is the least they need.

**Sivir:** They’re hugging now.

 **Sivir:** It looks difficult, but Taliyah is strongly pressing her arms around the metallic body.

 **Sivir:** Orianna doesn’t seem to know what to do in this situation.

 **Sivir:** She imitates Taliyah, but her face looks the same.

 **Sivir:** It’s kind of awkward, to be honest.

**Azir:** Awkward?

 **Azir:** It’s the perfect opportunity!

 **Azir:** Attack, my agents!

**Cassiopeia:** The last order was "Don’t attack".

**Azir:** Do as I command!

**Sivir:** No.

**Azir:** Heiress???

**Sivir:** I am a mercenary.

 **Sivir:** I kill and loot for gold.

 **Sivir:** But I have ethics.

 **Sivir:** I do not attack people when they hug after a touching moment like this.

 **Sivir:** (even if yeah, this is an awkward hug)

**Cassiopeia:** I know a lot of people see Noxians as bad people.

 **Cassiopeia:** But if that’s how you act, we should really talk about Shurima’s cruelty now.

**Xerath:** You really are a loser, Azir.

**Azir:** Are you really siding with them again?!

**Xerath:** No.

 **Xerath:** I would have blasted them during the hug.

 **Xerath:** You’re a loser because your subordinates tell you what to do.

**Azir:** It’s called governing and that’s why power was never for you!

**Sivir:** …

 **Sivir:** Aren’t you a little bit hypocritical on this topic?

**Azir:** Oh come on. It’s Xerath. Honesty was never a thing between us.

 **Azir:** Change of subject, tell me something useful.

**Cassiopeia:** We just acquired the name of Taliyah’s master.

**Azir:** AT LAST.

 **Azir:** Who?

**Cassiopeia:** Yasuo, a Ionian disgraced samurai.

**Nasus:** He’s a nice guy.

 **Nasus:** I have his contact info if you want.

**Sivir:** How do you know him?

**Nasus:** He’s a tea lover.

 **Nasus:** He sometimes travels through the desert to have tea with me.

**Cassiopeia:** Relatable.

**Nasus:** He told me a few times ago that he took an apprentice who was not a samurai but a mage.

**Azir:** ???

 **Azir:** AND YOU COULD NOT TELL US SOONER???

**Nasus:** You said you could not care less about their backstory.

**Azir:** Sivir.

 **Azir:** Put Nasus over Xerath on your list of the worst people of the groupchat.

 **Azir:** And then someone adds this Yasuo to the chat so I can finally find out why his student put A WALL IN MY CITY!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm impressed with myself: I keep writing this and I keep enjoying this. I hope you're also enjoying this wild ride!
> 
> I know I keep saying this with each new chapter but: more plot! More bickering!
> 
> And some true feelings, also.
> 
> This is not quite the kidnapping attempt I had in mind at the end of Chapter 4, but it's way better.
> 
> Next time... Yasuo time! Maybe. I'll have to deal with the fact that I hate the champion in game.
> 
> Like I wrote in the tags, I don't really know what I'm doing. But it's to early to stop!


	6. In the name of the group chat

**Azir:** So, everyone’s ready?

 **Azir:** Dear heiress, are you sure that it’s not possible to read the history of the chat before one’s arrival?

**Sivir:** Yeah yeah.

 **Sivir:** But what took you so long? Nasus already gave you the contact info two days ago.

**Azir:** Because my plan has to be perfect.

 **Azir:** We shall lure him, make him think we are his allies.

 **Azir:** I ordered Nasus to keep Xerath busy so he won’t interfere.

 **Azir:** I exchanged a lot of intel about the samurai with the Noxian agent.

 **Azir:** Is the girl still stuck at the port?

**Sivir:** Yeah yeah.

 **Sivir:** I’m surprised by the power of Cassiopeia, but it looks like she has a real political influence here.

 **Sivir:** The warrior is growing impatient, he almost destroyed another tavern yesterday.

**Azir:** The rage is strong with this one.

**Sivir:** More like alcohol.

 **Sivir:** He’s drinking because he’s bored.

**Azir:** And the mechanical girl?

**Sivir:** Exploring the city with the girl.

**Azir:** Ah yes. A curious pair looking for curious things.

**Sivir:** More like shopping between girls.

**Azir:** Frivolity.

 **Azir:** I shall bring seriousness in their life.

 **Azir:** The girl shall learn: actions have consequences.

**Sivir:** Man I wish you would give me the money you owe me so I can be frivolous with the girls.

**Azir:** When the mission will be completed.

 **Azir:** Now be quiet.

 **Azir:** I’ll add the samurai.

**Azir added Yasuo to the group chat.**

**Azir:** Greetings, sir Yasuo.

 **Azir:** I acquired your contact info thanks to Nasus.

 **Azir:** There are things I need to discuss with you with the utmost urgency.

**Yasuo:** Greetings.

 **Yasuo:** If you are a friend of Nasus, I am honored to meet you.

**Azir:** The honor is all mine.

 **Azir:** The girl named Taliyah is one of your acquaintances, I reckon?

 **Azir:** She raised a lot of concerns here in Shurima, and I would like to ask you a few questions about her.

**Yasuo:** Taliyah used to be my student, it’s true.

 **Yasuo:** But our paths have parted for the time being.

 **Yasuo:** If it’s her localization you want to know, I’m afraid I won’t be of any help.

**Azir:** But your knowledge of her personality could be very useful here.

 **Azir:** She did some questionable things here in Shurima and some people want to bring her in front of justice.

 **Azir:** I wish to clear the mystery surrounding her acts and understand her motives.

 **Azir:** That’s why I’ll need you to answer a few questions.

**Yasuo:** It seems to be a very understandable position.

 **Yasuo:** And you seem to be filled with the best intentions.

 **Yasuo:** But I’m afraid that there’s a question I must ask before.

**Azir:** Please. Let me know if I can be of any assistance.

**Yasuo:** Why is this group chat named "Taliyah’s kidnapping"?

**Sivir:** …

 **Sivir:** Oh my Ascendeds.

**Cassiopeia:** Oh my absence of gods.

**Nasus:** Oh my.

**Xerath:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **Xerath:** This is so Azir.

 **Xerath:** This is so perfect.

 **Xerath:** "Look at me, I’m the Emperor of Shurima and i’m too dumb to change the name of the group chat!"

 **Xerath:** YOU RUINED YOUR OWN PLAN!

 **Xerath:** AGAIN!

**Azir:** NASUS I TOLD YOU TO MAKE HIM BUSY!!!

 **Azir:** WHAT IS HE DOING THERE???

**Nasus:** I apologize to my Emperor, but I underestimated his lust.

 **Nasus:** The lewd drawings I brought him weren’t enough to satisfy him.

**Sivir:** Lewd drawings?

 **Sivir:** I thought he had no body.

**Nasus:** He still feels some desires.

 **Nasus:** And it was very common to paint famous people naked back in the day.

 **Nasus:** Your ancestor was very popular among artists back in the day, hence the rise in architectural and craftsmanship we experienced before the fall of Shurima.

**Sivir:** I don’t know what I should do with this info.

**Cassiopeia:** I do.

 **Cassiopeia:** Could I borrow some of it?

**Sivir:** And then you dare call me a slut.

**Cassiopeia:** A gold-slut, dear.

 **Cassiopeia:** Blackmailing and horniness are the good kind of sluttery.

**Azir:** WHY DID YOU BROUGHT HIM THOSE PAINTINGS???

**Nasus:** I believed his deep desires would overcome his attention and restrain him, the time for your plan to be executed.

 **Nasus:** But he already had a collection that rivaled mine.

**Xerath:** TOO MUCH INFORMATION.

 **Xerath:** It was purely blackmailing intel.

 **Xerath:** Noxian agent, tell them about those kind of things!

**Cassiopeia:** I would like to remind you that even if you brought me to this very interesting group chat, I have no obligations towards you.

 **Cassiopeia:** Also I definitely lust over some of my blackmailing material so I can’t defend you.

**Yasuo:** Aren’t you awfully honest for a Noxian spy?

**Cassiopeia:** And here goes my cover.

 **Cassiopeia:** You had to tell him.

**Sivir:** You just told him about your plans!

**Cassiopeia:** Please. I am a Du Couteau. We have plans within plans within plans.

 **Cassiopeia:** Or sharp knives.

 **Cassiopeia:** Yeah my sister and my brother are more into sharp knives.

**Sivir:** Hey Yasuo, did you know she was a Du Couteau before?

**Yasuo:** I didn’t, but I thank you for this knowledge.

**Cassiopeia:** Bitch.

**Azir:** NASUS WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY LEWD PAINTINGS OF ME???

 **Azir:** I THOUGHT YOU HAD NO DESIRES!!!

**Nasus:** Please. I am a creature of knowledge, truth, books and battle.

 **Nasus:** My peak of excitation is a good tea with a good book.

 **Nasus:** But as the guardian of Shurima’s knowledge, I must preserve all kinds of knowledge.

 **Nasus:** All the documents in my museum are equal, there is no kinkshaming here.

**Azir:** IT’S NOT ABOUT KINKSHAMING!

 **Azir:** IT’S ABOUT PRIVACY!!

 **Azir:** IT’S ABOUT DIGNITY!!!

**Yasuo:** Aren’t you the one who blew your cover yourself?

**Azir:** YOU!

 **Azir:** Very well, smartass. Let’s drop the courtesies.

 **Azir:** Why did you send your student to attack me???

**Yasuo:** I did what now?

 **Yasuo:** (but yeah, let’s drop the decorum)

**Azir:** The mage girl almost destroyed my city!

**Yasuo:** She did what now?

**Azir:** In her foolishness, full of audacity, she used her powers to raise earth where it shall not be and ruin the perfect craftsmanship of the greatest city in the history of Shurima while endangering its citizens and mocking the Emperor!

**Yasuo:** …

 **Yasuo:** Nasus?

**Nasus:** She put a wall in the city.

 **Nasus:** With magic.

**Yasuo:** So what, is magic forbidden here?

 **Yasuo:** If she wants to help or to work in construction, she has my blessing.

**Nasus:** A very big wall made of rock brought in one night.

**Yasuo:** Oh.

 **Yasuo:** Big how?

**Nasus:** Very very big.

**Yasuo:** I see.

**Azir:** Faithful Guardian, why does the samurai understand you so much compared to me?

**Nasus:** Once again, I am a creature of knowledge, truth, books, battle and tea.

**Cassiopeia:** You just added the tea.

**Nasus:** Indeed.

**Yasuo:** So, is that all? Can I go?

**Sivir:** You have somewhere to go?

**Yasuo:** Meditation about the path of the sword with a nice cup of tea at the peak of a mountain.

**Sivir:** I swear this chat will turn into a selling platform for Nasus, full of tea-lovers.

**Cassiopeia:** You just don’t know what’s good in life.

**Azir:** Enough!

 **Azir:** This chat won’t become a selling platform for Nasus!

**Nasus:** The idea could be interesting to consider if our finances go dry.

**Azir:** Our finances will never go dry!

 **Azir:** And the samurai will stay here!

 **Azir:** You have to answer for the actions of your student!

**Yasuo:** This is not the job of a master.

**Sivir:** It… Kinds of is.

**Yasuo:** Who’s your master?

**Sivir:** Self-taught mercenary who killed to obtain her techniques and weapon here.

**Yasuo:** Figured.

**Cassiopeia:** He wouldn’t know.

 **Cassiopeia:** He killed his own master.

**Yasuo:** I did not.

**Sivir:** Wow you really have zero chill Cass.

**Xerath:** "Cass"?

**Sivir:** Noxian Agent.

**Xerath:** Now you’re just parroting your ancestor to avoid a question.

**Sivir:** Shut up.

 **Sivir:** Don’t you have better things to do?

**Xerath:** Since Nasus has such a poor collection, no.

**Nasus:** Never thought his lust would rival the knowledge of an Ascended.

**Xerath:** Shut up.

**Cassiopeia:** Oh but I have some chill.

 **Cassiopeia:** I feel some delicious chills of victory in my body everytime I use my intel to reveal the dark past of others.

 **Cassiopeia:** And the samurai here does not know what a master-student relationship is, since he killed his own one.

**Azir:** Oh.

 **Azir:** Well, in order to complete your road of destroying master-student relationships, I have a task for you, samurai.

**Yasuo:** I did not kill my master!

 **Yasuo:** You fools of Shuriman have no idea of the complex affair we faced here in Ionia.

**Cassiopeia:** There was an attack. Yasuo disappeared in the middle of it. The master was found killed by a technique known only by Yasuo.

**Sivir:** Doesn’t seem very complex.

**Yasuo:** A lot of details were omitted.

**Cassiopeia:** Like the fact that you killed your own brother?

**Xerath:** Can relate to that.

**Azir:** Oh, so you are one of those kinds of traitors?

**Yasuo:** It was an accident!

**Cassiopeia:** Sure.

 **Cassiopeia:** I, too, had a blade hidden in my sleeve, then slipped and stuck it in the back of Sivir.

**Sivir:** You evil treacherous frog.

**Cassiopeia:** You’re really sounding like your ancestor.

**Xerath:** Yeah, you’re between friends here Yasuo.

 **Xerath:** We can definitely understand the complex motivations that can lead to betraying your brother.

 **Xerath:** The pain you feel when you remember your last night together when you use all your power in his back is something quite unique, isn’t it?

**Yasuo:** What are you talking about?

**Cassiopeia:** Ahem.

 **Cassiopeia:** Xerath, it was his real brother.

 **Cassiopeia:** Not a brother-at-arm brotherly close doing bro things relationship.

**Xerath:** Oh.

 **Xerath:** Weird.

**Yasuo:** I see you have your intel, Noxian fiend, but I did not kill my master nor do I plan on hurting Taliyah.

 **Yasuo:** But I do plan on slaying anyone who threatens her.

**Azir:** You dare threaten the Emperor of Shurima?!

**Yasuo:** Ask your spy: I have a long-running problem with authority.

**Cassiopeia:** It’s the way to tell us he was the younger brother.

 **Cassiopeia:** So rebellious he killed big bro.

**Sivir:** You really know how to be a bitch.

**Xerath:** Yeah, even I find the sick burns very sickening.

**Sivir:** Please stop the slang.

**Yasuo:** Well, I do not plan to stay on a group chat full of people who want to attack the others with twisted words instead of straight steel.

 **Yasuo:** You’ll never find Taliyah, and if I find you, I’ll strike first.

**Azir:** Hahaha.

 **Azir:** But we already found the girl, samurai!

**Yasuo:** What?

**Azir:** You really thought I didn’t think about this possibility?

 **Azir:** My plan was flawless!

 **Azir:** We already have the girl, my agents are right next to her as we speak.

**Yasuo:** You lie.

**Azir:** Agents! Show him!

**Cassiopeia:** Cute bubbly girl is currently walking in the market with her mechanical friend. They just talked about you. Apparently, you are "oftenly grumpy" and "have a really weird haircut".

**Yasuo:** I am not grumpy and this is traditional!

**Azir:** You see, I was not lying.

 **Azir:** The Emperor of Shurima has no need for deception.

**Xerath:** Except, you know, when you wanted to lie and make him think you were honest and competent.

**Azir:** Is this the treacherous cunning snake who failed to kill me who’s talking?

 **Azir:** Have any new failed plans?

**Xerath:** Bitch I might be.

**Yasuo:** And what is your relationship exactly?

**Azir:** Mortal ennemis.

**Xerath:** Mortal ennemis.

**Sivir:** Bickering married ex couple.

**Cassiopeia:** Bickering married couple.

**Nasus:** Is this a question that requires my powers?

**Azir:** No.

 **Azir:** Shut up, all of you.

 **Azir:** We have the girl. If you do not cooperate, I shall harm her and you won’t do a thing about it.

**Yasuo:** But if you have her already, why do you need me?

**Azir:** I want to understand her motives.

**Yasuo:** Well, ask her.

 **Yasuo:** …

 **Yasuo:** You don’t "have her", do you?

**Azir:** My agents are ready to strike!

 **Azir:** Decapitation by the power of shuriman blade or flesh-eating poison, is it what you wish for your student?

**Yasuo:** Fine.

 **Yasuo:** What do you want to know?

**Azir:** HOW MANY TIMES WILL I HAVE TO ASK???

 **Azir:** WHY DID THE GIRL PUT A WALL IN MY CITY?!

**Yasuo:** No idea.

**Azir:** Then, why does she want to declare war on me?

**Yasuo:** No idea.

**Azir:** Surely she must have mentioned me?

**Yasuo:** I don’t think so.

 **Yasuo:** Wait, I check.

 **Yasuo:** Are you the cool rock next to the road that goes South?

**Azir:** No, I’m not.

**Yasuo:** Are you the pretty sculpture she talked to when she was alone in Ionia?

**Azir:** I am not a rock.

**Yasuo:** Maybe the cute boy she had a crush on when she was 8 and threw rock with?

**Azir:** I am the Emperor of Shurima, Ascended, Resurrected.

**Yasuo:** Well, no, she never mentioned an "Azir".

**Cassiopeia:** Why so many rocks?

**Yasuo:** She spent a lot of time alone when she left her tribe.

**Sivir:** Then how is it so easy for her to make friends?

 **Sivir:** I saw her befriend some literal monsters.

**Yasuo:** What can I say, that’s her power.

**Xerath:** I thought it was rock magic, but I guess it’s always nice to manipulate the spirit of the weak.

**Yasuo:** Not all powers are magic.

 **Yasuo:** Her kind heart is able to touch the most tortured souls.

 **Yasuo:** She forgives the unforgiven and follows the exiled on his path without hesitation.

**Xerath:** So she’s a judge and an executioner.

**Yasuo:** You Shurimans need meditation and philosophy in your lives.

**Nasus:** Tell me about it.

**Azir:** You have something to say, Nasus?

**Nasus:** No, my Emperor.

**Azir:** So don’t say it.

 **Azir:** On the main topic, you refuse to cooperate, samurai.

**Yasuo:** Well, your questions lack of precision.

**Azir:** Enough!

 **Azir:** You have tested my patience.

 **Azir:** Agents! Capture the girl and kill her friends!

 **Azir:** Your Emperor commands!

**Sivir:** Well, about that…

**Cassiopeia:** Is a little delay problematic?

**Azir:** What is the meaning of this???

 **Azir:** I thought they were shopping under your surveillance!

**Yasuo:** Wait, Taliyah found friends to shop with?

 **Yasuo:** She has dreamt of that for a long time.

 **Yasuo:** I’m proud of her.

**Sivir:** Couldn’t you do that with her?

**Cassiopeia:** What a terrible master.

**Yasuo:** The only shopping topic I am interested in is blades.

**Sivir:** Based.

**Yasuo:** And despite my efforts, Taliyah was not interested.

**Azir:** We don’t care about the shopping!!!

 **Azir:** Where are the girl and her friends???

**Sivir:** On a ship.

**Azir:** And you are???

**Cassiopeia:** Not on a ship.

**Xerath:** Like grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-father, like grand-grand-grand-grand-grand-daughter.

 **Xerath:** Damn your family connection is too complicated for my trash talk.

**Sivir:** Tell me about that.

**Xerath:** Like ancestor, like ancestress?

**Sivir:** No… That’s not how it works.

**Azir:** ...

 **Azir:** Dear heiress, are you perhaps trying to buy yourselves time because you're failing?

**Sivir:** No?

**Cassiopeia:** Try buying a ship with an angry Emperor on the group chat asking questions at the same time.

**Azir:** Why are you trying to buy a ship???

**Sivir:** To pursue them.

**Cassiopeia:** Follow please, it’s complicated enough.

**Azir:** How did they escape???

**Yasuo:** Taliyah is my student.

 **Yasuo:** She can be great.

**Sivir:** Actually, it’s because of Sahn-Uzal.

 **Sivir:** Her big powerful shirtless helmet-wearing warrior friend.

 **Sivir:** He got drunk.

 **Sivir:** Met a captain.

 **Sivir:** Captain Kat, a woman from Bilgewater, from what I heard.

 **Sivir:** Aaaaaaaaand he decided to knock out some of her men and take the ship with her and enough sailors to maneuver on board because he needed a good fight and adventure and was bored and drunk.

 **Sivir:** Aaaaaaaaand Taliyah created a small rockslide to jump on the ship when it left and we could not follow it.

**Yasuo:** Or she can be great at making awful friends.

**Cassiopeia:** Also she was following the group chat and not paying attention.

**Sivir:** Hey, you did that too!

**Cassiopeia:** Traitor.

**Sivir:** Backstabbing cunning bitch.

**Azir:** Stop talking.

 **Azir:** Both of you.

 **Azir:** Stop talking and follow them.

**Cassiopeia:** I’m still a Noxian who doesn’t have to listen to you, you know.

**Azir:** I have enough money to send other mercenaries to find the girl without failing and kill you at the same time so do not test my patience.

**Cassiopeia:** Searching for a ship it is.

**Nasus:** You are still here, Yasuo?

**Yasuo:** If i can use this group chat to be sure Taliyah doesn’t get hurt, I’ll stay.

**Azir:** If you want to stay, you’ll have to provide some info on the girl.

**Yasuo:** If you want some info, you’ll have at least to respect my student.

**Azir:** She disrespected me first!

**Yasuo:** You probably started this.

**Azir:** Well that’s what I’m trying to understand and that’s why you are here!

**Yasuo:** Very well.

 **Yasuo:** Change the name of this group chat and we can start to figure things out.

 **Yasuo:** Because I refuse to stay on "Taliyah’s Kidnapping".

**Xerath:** This was Azir's best failure yet but I’m sure he can do worse.

**Azir:** Ignore the buffoon.

**Azir renamed group chat to "Following Taliyah’s path of destruction".**

**Yasuo:** Do some efforts please.

**Azir renamed group chat to "Following Taliyah’s madness".**

**Yasuo:** Oh, come on!

**Azir renamed group chat to "Following Taliyah’s mischief".**

**Yasuo:** That’ll do, I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY I'M BACK.
> 
> In game, I hate Yasuo. I hate to play with him in my team, I hate to play with him against me, the only other champion that gives me so much hate is probably Zed. So it was kind of hard to overcome my feelings for the game character and write him.
> 
> But here he is!
> 
> With more bickering and bad jokes (if you have ancient sexy pics of Azir, do not forget to bribe Xerath with those)!
> 
> I hope you're still enjoying the ride, because it's time to leave Shurima and explore the rest of Runeterra!
> 
> Also: the title of this fic is now explained and canon, we can go on!

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first langage, so any help with mistakes/typos will be greatly appreciated. And comments help me going on.
> 
> I have no idea what I am doing with this story but hey, here we go.


End file.
